We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
