I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
