We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize