Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
