Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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