Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
My vagina just clenched in fear
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
