I got chris browned last night
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
