I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I am naked and annoyed.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
