had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize
