she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
