Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
