Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
