I look better un-naked...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
True strength comes from lack of pants
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
