worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
