ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
