So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
