I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Randomize
