I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
