Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
