I am puke
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
