Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
