I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
