she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
