Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
