I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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