So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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