I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
