Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
4 words: hood of his car
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
