Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
She tied me up with her honor cords...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
