And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
whose parrot is this?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
