in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
