You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
