I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
he shaved USA in his pubs
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
