i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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