here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
