Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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