it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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