i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
