I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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