Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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