her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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