tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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