he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
then he tried to convert me to islam
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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