I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
