I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
i think im in europe. pls send help
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