So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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