Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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