Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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