Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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