You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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