the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
