Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
