I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
