As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
