i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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