her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
