Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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