HIV tests are more positive than that guy
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
